Reunion and Recollections.

I had a visitor in Pittsburgh last night! A guy who was a year ahead of me in high school went to college out in Eastern PA and has been working for the past year in Philadelphia. He flew in yesterday evening and we were able to meet up near the University of Pittsburgh.



Small note about transportation - I ride the bus around and was stuck in the worst traffic after the Steelers lost last night. I could have easily walked the distance faster but with all the drunks out I thought it was a better idea to stay in the controlled environment of the bus. Sadly, that meant I was not an hour early and carted reading along I didn't need. Oh well, that's life as a buser.



We meet at Starbucks and I was so relieved our meeting was comfortable and natural. I always get nervous seeing people after years. It's like, okay we knew eachother but now we don't. Just a strange relationship. But, he is a super nice guy and that made the whole situation far from awkward.



After chatting a bit we stopped at the indian place I used to really like. I think the fact that it was a Sunday night didn't do it justice. I was a little less than impressed and there is a good chance they served him the wrong beer! Regardless, we had a cheap enough dinner and good time catching up. The last bit of that largely consisted of exchanging stories about other people we have stayed up-to-date on. I am sad to say that there was not a ton of, 'yeah and so and so is doing really great!' But, there certainly were some good reports to counter the sad realization that many of my classmates are pretty stuck in the rural cycle of doom. Drugs, babies, and occassionally young marriages.



It is so sad. I wish in a way that we had just focused on our lives. I get the impression from what he did share he is pretty happy. We agreed that as responsible and as put together as we are now, the idea of being soley responsible for another life is completely terrifying. I guess maybe some of those people are at places in life where that seems natural. It seems scary to me that so many former classmates have really jumped into large responsibilities. On a positive note: some of those young marriages are exceptional and they have beautiful young families. They work hard but they are really working to make a good life for themselves.



We went and got a beer at a dive bar after dinner. I was waiting on my friend to meet me and he and I got to see "where the locals go." He said he wanted to try and avoid being a tourist and I'm pretty sure we avoided that completely. Thanks to a good friend for the recommendation because I had no idea where to go. I tried to describe Pittsburgh and all I could come up with was, it's a city of neighborhoods. You have everything you could need in each area. And each place is known for something. Shopping, drinking, dining, dancing, or the arts. So if you want to go to a museum and you are in the "good shopping" area, you're going to have to go to the "museum stretch." It was so hard to describe the city. I think I am getting to the point where I just live here and don't analize or observe as much as I used to. That's an interesting develoment.



Moral of the story-

I really need to stick to last week's goal of being an optimist. Not that last night wasn't really great, but on my rather long bus ride home alone a bad vibe crept inside me. I hate that I hate where I came from sometimes. I should really be thankful. I am thankful for some great friendships and I forget so easily the positives about my life before college. I don't want to be someone who is "too good" or "too busy" for the people and places that I came from. So, my goal is to try and remember some of those good times and focus on what they mean to me. There is just no need to let my past make me sad. period.

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Email Chatter.

This is the majority of an email I just sent my Mentor that the Fellows paired me with:

I'm also writing because I have time at work. Oh work... anyhow, I was thinking about the speakers we had at Anchor during the "voices of Christians in service" Theology on Tap series and got myself a little fired up. I know the first speaker MSR from visits he made to Waynesburg, and I really enjoyed his talk about how his faith carries over to every part of his life. From schooling their kids, to modest housing, riding the bus, and so on. Well, something else he mentioned was that there are groups out there that help people in their 20s to really learn what a lifestyle of service looks like. (my ears perked up around this point)

The Mennonite Central Committee was mentioned (he used to be Mennonite but now is Orthodox, basically awesome) and I thought back to a meeting I had with a representative at a fair last winter. When I told them what I had done as far a local and international cross-cultural work and service they said I was looking at the right organization. I was very excited but talked myself out of it because... well I don't know exactly why, but I think because I was just back in the US and traveling more seemed exhausting.

I did get their materials in the mail but somewhat ruled them out because online the participants all seemed young (18-19). I have found myself so drawn to their work though that I revisited the website this morning. It's got so so many opportunities that sound like they are exactly what I am looking for. And my fear about the age thing was so silly, you work alone with in country staff usually not with other volunteer people (peace corps like in this way) and those North Americans there are long term so usually in at least their 20s.

The application for the one program is due by January. That is the shorter placement and part of me thinks that is good, while another part of me thinks of going to a new place and leaving just when it feels comfortable and cringes. There are placements for 1,2,3, and 5 years. The longer placements are usually managerial but some seemed even doable for me now.

I really got excited about this. REALLY REALLY EXCITED! But, I was sobered by the fact that a good portion of these jobs have something to do with English Language or writing. The idea of being an authority on English scares me. I feel like maybe I need another year to get finances in order and take some classes maybe... But, with all the preparation I do, I am surely going to feel overwhelmed if I do something like this and completely unqualified at times. I wonder if those fears will ever be resolved or if they are just stumbling blocks in place to detour me from really fulfilling this dream.

I wrote this about an hour ago. It feels pretty good to get it out in the open. I am interested and really think the organization is exciting. I need to stop doubting and just pray that if this is what I am interested in, God will help me understand how to channel that energy.

Back to work for now. It's important I think about my job and what a wonderful opportunity I have working now. I am really thankful and I don't want to let boredom or these passions make me ungrateful.

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Pause.

"God, I am worried about my world, but you tell me to pay attention to things that are really important. Help me to live in the present with you. In Jesus’ name, Amen." - d365.org


Sunday is usually my day of rest. My way of resting is usually by refusing to work on any task that is a burden I carry as "work." In college that meant studying or community service hours for my scholarship, but now work takes on reading for my Fellows classes and church work I wouldn't do if I were an average St Stephens member.

Today being a day of rest I was so frustrated to wake up with a huge to-do list swirling around my head. I almost didn't go to Church because I was so focused on how today is MY day to rest. Well let me tell you how I love surprises.

I went to church because people expect me to be there and I heard a sermon that I didn't even mean to let affect my day. The idea was about giving to the Lord. Usually people limit giving to the Church and God to a 10% tithe. I like to think its a little more complex than a math problem and give whenever I see a need that I can meet. Nothing about the sermon today told me that is the wrong way to go about things. Yet, there is more to it then feeling comfortable about giving a respectable amount. The widow in the story gave what she had available not out of the abundance she had leftover after taking care of needs she wanted to meet.

Today I was upset about giving up my day of rest. But, I took the time to honor the Lord by building responsibility and being faithful to manage what he has given me. Instead of being exhausted and frustrated I feel so relieved. It feels like the day has only just begun, but in truth I have spent about 2 hours working through finances.

I gave my time and energy because it was required and I am blessed with encouragement, relaxation, and peace that no Sunday afternoon nap could have provided.

This will be a better week. This will be a week lived for Him.

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Life in the Cube

I am going to try and think about positive things related to working in a place with no windows or sound...



No annoying construction noise or general street noise that can be very distracting.



The ability to post things on every square inch of my wall space and not look like a sociopath.



Suspension of disbelief about where I actually live ie Viewing photos of Europe or Asia I can almost imagine that I am there since I have no proof that I am in Pittsburgh when I look up from the computer.



Privacy from others because I am the only one tall enough in my office to see over my cube devider wall.



Ability to sit with my back to my entry side. Other people need to look welcoming in their offices and at least be sideways facing their door. I can keep whatever look I want on my face and then poof! I swivel in my chair and greet coworkers with a smile!



Climate control/others control my climate. Sometimes it's warmer or cooler but I am not burdened with regulating my office temperature.



I think those are some of the very reasonbale reasons people work in a cubicle office environment. I mean who can deny those wonderful perks!

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To Begin at the Beginning

Here is what I hope will be a brief explanation of what my program is all about:

I am in a 9 month Christian Business Leadership Fellowship called the Pittsburgh Fellows. (found online here :http://pittsburghfellows.com)

It is both academic study and a real paying job.

In March I applied to the Fellowship and once my essays, grades, recommendations, and interview were all complete I found out I was accepted into the program.

In April I interview for two very different jobs. I landed both, but was assigned to Trib Total Media, a newspaper group that owns one of the largest papers in Pittsburgh - the Tribune Review. At the time that is all I knew about the position besides that it pays roughly normal starting wages, just 4 days per week and no benefits.

Flash Forward to June and I left Ohio to move into some vacant housing arranged through my Fellowship. I lived in 2 different apartments and besides reading and studying Russian I worked on developing a new social life in the Sewickley/Pittsburgh area.

August I went traveling and arrived back to my "home," a third apartment I was to live in throughout my fellowship. This was a lot of moving and I am pleased to say that I am settled in and there I will stay until the end of May at least.

September I began my work placement and found out that my title (they asked what to call me) is Marketing Fellow. It's a step up from intern. I get treated as an adult and paid like one but just not quiet doing the workload that comes along with a real full-time job.

Classes are every Friday. I am enrolled at the Trinity School of Ministry in Ambridge, PA. It is a wonderful place and because of scheduling I only take classes with the 7 other fellows. It's a bit sad because as you can imagine there are some very wonderful people who are enrolled there. Each class is 3 hours. We meet at 9AM and then break for an hour lunch before finishing at 4PM.

Courses change but the first semester you take Apologetics of the Christian Faith. This year we tested a program run by the Pittsburgh Leadership Foundation. It was all about learning who you are and how to communicate in a group. It is usually for companies so there was a lack of mission for us to accomplish but generally speaking I think it is a good program. Now we have replaced the leadership training with the course An Introduction to Urban Ministry.

The seminary is accredited so I will earn 12 graduated level credits at the end of the year. Because it's on a semester schedule I will have new courses in January to tell you about.

Being a Fellowship they arrange our housing through generous support, majorly contributed by St Stephen's Church in Sewickley. I take the seminary prep into action every week as I volunteer at the Church. I am on the core planning team of Anchor the young adults ministry. It is pretty fabulous so far and I'm proud to work along side some very bright and loving peers. You can check out what kind of activities and discussion go on over at the Anchor blog: http://anchoryou.blogspot.com/

I also attend church at St Stephen's every Sunday and a Anchor women's groups Tuesday nights.

As you can see there is a lot to it and that is the brief version. I live in community with 3 of the other 7 fellows. There is another house a few blocks away that houses the remaining 4 young men. Relationships are a major part of this experience but I will fill you in on them later.

I hope that clears up some of the ambiguity that lurks when I mention "my program" or "the fellows."

Another more current post should be up soon. For now its lots of reading for classes and of course I got a bit lazy last week when we had fall reading break... oops.

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Butter-yes Soup Or Butter-not Soup

Let’s see, this should be a post about the logistics of my life but in truth... I'm bored of sharing them! I will get around to it, but if for some reason you are reading this you can come to understand a bit by listening to a few of these memories I made these past 6 weeks.

I moved into my little upstairs apartment at the end of August. It was warm for awhile and there was a short time where every window had to stay open for fear of heatstroke. But, then the beauty of autumn came upon my little village!

All through my first month of work I tried to cook at least one significant culinary dish per week. In that process I took on a day that was one of the best in September - a Sunday of vegetarian cooking with friends! On this very special holiday from my normal life, my dear friend came to visit and we shared a love for Mediterranean food! We made falafel and I was surprised that it is much easier than I imagined. All in all I had very little room left for dinner in my belly.

Then the visitors shifted and an acquaintance that went to my college stopped by. We now live about 15 min away from each other and for some reason have begun to cultivate a friendship. As a ‘get-to-know-you’ sort of bonding, I suggested he come over and we make dinner together. This may sound date-ish but I promise as a special surprise I invited a third friend to stop by. She is a few years older, also a vegetarian, and fabulous so the meal really was blessed by her helping prepare it!

What did we make? Butternut Squash Soup! It took much longer to make than anticipated, but over all it tasted pretty yummy. However I did learn that the vegetable stock I have is really high in sodium - meaning it was more than a little unnecessary for us to add the salt in the recipe. You live, you learn.

What could be more wonderful than a Sunday with old friends and vegetarian delights? The fact that about two weeks ago now, my program director brought over a box of birthday wonderfulness. In the box was homemade pumpkin bread (not sweet!), Tazo teas that all happened to be my favorites, a cast-iron single serving teapot, one small gourmet cake just in case no one got me one, AND BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP! It was delicious. Everything about it was tasty, naturally sweetened by caramelized onion, and more than enough for two servings!

I never told her about any of those things being special to me. She just used intuition and choose possibly the best birthday box ingredients ever! The soup was great and I hope to make her version of it before there is no more butternut squash left.

Maybe this is completely boring but I am so glad that I have friends that know me. It is such a wonderful thing to have time with people that you love sharing in things that you love. I love soup. Honestly, I cannot think of any one food that brings me as much joy as any soup does (maybe porous chocolate; although, candy makes me fear I will lose my teeth and all excitement is lost rather quickly).

There has been one other wonderful encounter with soup but all I will share about that is that in Russia they "sprinkled" dill on top of most soups. I stomached the flavor but never have requested dill be on anything I've eaten in the year since I left. It was just way too much of a, in my opinion, not so great thing. Well, being that I am a vegetarian I have to sometimes eat whatever my option is regardless of herbs and spices. A dinner host last week bought a tomato bisque gourmet soup just for me to eat one night and as I ladled it into my dish what did I spy? Dill. I ate up and was very surprised. Did you know that dill is not disgusting when you eat it in moderation!? I was amazed. She sent a whole quart of the stuff home with me and let me tell you how delighted I was to oblige!

Overall autumn is going by in a flash. We really only had about three weeks of true fall until now. It seems to be threatening winter here. I know that isn’t really a problem since it snows about 12 days a year in Pittsburgh, but I’m a bit sad that my first alumni college homecoming was spent in 30 degree weather or hiding in the heated tent instead of watching. I wonder if there is place where they eat lots and lots of soup and it is autumn for more than three weeks. If such a place exists I’m taking a Gap year there ASAP!

Until I find time for this blog again,
Peace

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I am a tree...

There has been an image stuck in my mind for the past, say two weeks, of a very Gothic tree. A friend and co-worker from school a few years ago had a tattoo on her ribs of something really similar so I am sure its based somewhat on what I remember that to look like. But, this tree in all of its ugliness and apparent damage from storms is a tree, tattered and torn, but rooted and strong.

A lot of images have been flying around and I am very happy that I've had the time to channel them through art. This one though lingered unchanneled until I heard this song. I think you should click through to this youtube link. They disabled embedding but its a slide show that puts the lyrics up in good timing.

If you are ridiculously lazy you may click below to this live performance first.




It is great and as most people know things performed live or acoustic take on their own value. I heard it first live at a service called Evensong. Going to an Anglican church has been full of new and interesting traditions. The service was a bit more contemporary than I expected, yet was genuinely true to the nature and purpose of such a time. I loved it. Mostly because it was a time of quiet from everyday thoughts. And, because it was different and a change of pace, my mind really calmed down and stopped wandering.

Just as I came to a place where my mind was settled (about 3/4 of the way into the time) this song came. I believe in the purposeful way God plans things to happen. If I had heard this song first I may not have been so moved. But, because my mind was quiet and I sat still enough to listen, I heard a very clear message.

I love those times. Who can deny how much of a mountain top experience worship can be sometimes. You hear a song, see a play or other performance piece, and it moves you. Possibly someone's story, message, or a conversation have this same - life can only be this good - outcome. A realization of true beauty and excitement about that.

I really was moved by this song but I am looking about five days later to continue to apply that message. It moved me but I hope in a way that will last more than a moment.

We shall see.


Here are the lyrics if you would like to copy and paste them for some reason.

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realise just how beautiful You are, And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so, Oh how He loves us, How He loves us all He loves us,

Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves. Yeah, He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize, Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, And my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about, the way… He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves. Yeah, He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves.

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